I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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