I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
