dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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