bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
