You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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