I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
