There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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