I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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