i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hell yes lets make some ravioli
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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