He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
