Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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