Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
