so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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