i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
