Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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