i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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