Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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