I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
