I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
