you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
