I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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