My brain says no but my pants say off.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize