I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
