I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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