ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
