he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
