Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
