Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
