Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
