so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
