i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
