he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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