We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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