I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
