Fine. I'll sleep in my office
time to smoke my breakfast
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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