He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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