There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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