I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
