He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
