Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
