pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
why do cheetos always look like penises
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
