The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
