At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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