Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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