I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
