I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
