We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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