just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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