And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
