the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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