so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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