I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
