so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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