is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
