Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
