I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
