i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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