I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
