Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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