I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize