your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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