I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize