I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
