my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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