so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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