He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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