I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
