Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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