I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
