At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
