Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
