that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
