If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize