A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
