you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
